Lost, Strayed, Fallen
by chise.ainsworth
Summary: SPOILER ALERT! Spoiler for chapter 279-280. Stay away if you don't want to be spoiled. 4th Moment - Kougyoku: Darkness at the End of the Tunnel. She would fulfill her duty and she would acheive that which only she, and no one else, could do.
1. Kougyoku - A Rude Awakening

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Magi

* * *

 **Lost, Strayed, Fallen**

1st Moment: Kougyoku - _A Rude Awakening_

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She remembered fighting alongside Kouha-oniisama when her world suddenly and abruptly became black. She never had the time to think what had happened to her then but now, after having woken up and heard the story of what had gone on while she was unconscious, she found she now had her whole life's time to regret, regret, and regret…

For ever falling in love with the man who had made her his accomplice in all of this.

For ever trusting this woman with everyone's life. The soldiers', her brothers'...

A hand reached out. "Kougyoku-dono…"

"Don't touch me!" she screamed, throwing the first thing her hand had caught at the person. "Get out! I don't want to ever see your face again! How could you? How _could_ you do such a thing!"

The cup hit the far wall with a loud clang, missing that hateful head by an inch.

Eyes brimful with tears gazed at her sorrowfully. That woman didn't try to dodge when things were thrown in her direction. She stood still as though waiting for it to hit her. As though by doing so, she would…

"I will never, _never_ forgive you! If anything happens to Kouen-oniisama, Koumei-oniisama and Kouha-oniisama, I will kill you! You, your brother and that man! I _will_ kill all of you! _"_

"Kougyoku-dono..."

She glared at the older woman before her. Even now she wanted to kill her. If it's not because of her body's condition… Ah, just looking at that face now and she could feel rage burning in her chest, taste hatred in her mouth and heard - she heard, once more, echoing in her mind like a terrible curse, their decided fates.

 _Third Prince, Ren Kouha, exile._

 _Second Prince, Ren Koumei, exile._

Exile? Koumei-oniisama? Kouha-oniisama?

 _First Prince, Ren Kouen, execution._

Execution? Kouen-oniisama?

 _Ren Kougyoku, pardoned due to her contributions to end the war._

Pardoned. Due. To. Her. Contributions. To. End. The. War.

Putting her hands to her head, she screamed.

* * *

This is what happened after I read Magi chapter 280 spoilers. Kougyoku and the three brothers are my favorite characters and for Kouen to have to leave like that... I understand the necessity and that the author gives him a - a - what could be called a beautiful exit, but still...! I really, really didn't want Kouen to die. I feel sorry for his younger brothers and Kougyoku. Especially Kougyoku. Given her poor past, her difficult present and then falling in love with Sinbad who used her against her own family, which resulted in these! This is too much and I will push the 2nd Moment out soon, just to let out my frustration. Once everything is over, I hope I can write a happy story for them - pulling Hakuyuu and Hakuren in, too, of course. They have too little scene times!

Thank you for reading!


	2. Hakuei - Feeling the Repercussions

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Magi

* * *

 **Lost, Strayed, Fallen**

2nd Moment: Hakuei - _Feeling the Repercussions  
_

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Her shrill scream pieced the still air, tearing at the hearts of those who heard and ripping further the conscience of those who had sinned, guilty of the crimes they had willingly committed while she, Ren Kougyoku, had not.

"I…" she began with difficulty, her normally gentle voice rough and raspy as though it hadn't been used for a long time. "I…am very sorry, Kougyoku-dono."

A jagged piece of a broken plate flew by, catching and cutting the sleeve just below her right shoulder.

"You, of all people, have no right to say that word!" flashed Kougyoku, eyes as red as the blood dripping from her cut hand. "You don't deserve to even think it! I will not hear it! You are _not_ sorry and I will _never_ forgive you!"

The last sentence ended in another heart-rending scream and, seemingly exhausted, the young woman collapsed on the bed, her small body shaking with violent sobs as she cried into a pillow.

Hakuei felt a lump in her throat and swallowed it down as she watched her.

Long red hair loosened and tangled, clad in only a thin white robe and with bandages wrapping almost everywhere on her body, face for-ever stained with tears and eyes always reflecting intense pain and sorrow, she reminded her of the rare glimpses she had had, many years ago, of when she was but the youngest daughter of Ren Koutoku – though this time, she was in a much, much worse state than then.

 _And I have had a hand in turning her into this._

 _I caused her to become this._

Just like how she caused Kouen-dono, Koumei-dono and Kouha-dono to bear such terrible fates.

It's all her fault.

The curtains made soft flutters as the wind stole inside, carrying with it a faint scent of some night flowers, and a quiet whisper of "Kouen-oniisama…"

Hakuei felt a sudden chill. She looked up and found bloodshot red eyes staring right at her.

Kougyoku had pushed herself up and was sitting on the bed. Here and there, red was blooming on her white robe, signaling the re-opening of her wounds though the girl herself didn't seem to notice – or, if she did, she didn't care. Instead, she kept looking into her eyes and, with a voice both soft and cold at once, asked. "Where is he?"

An involuntary flinch, but she collected herself quickly and began to protest. "Kougyoku-dono, you can't! You're in no condition to-"

"Ren Hakuei."

Hakuei stared. This was the first time Kougyoku had called her name so clearly. This girl had always addressed her in the most formal of terms and even when she had to call her name she would do it in such a way that her title was clearer than the name itself. She had thought it a little strange and found her awkwardness rather cute. She reminded her of Hakuryuu somehow. It could be because they were similar in age and that she had a difficult past – one which she didn't know what it was like until she has lost her father and brothers to the fire incident ten years ago. Perhaps that's why, sometimes, she thought – she wished – to be on a better terms with this girl one day.

Considering what had happened and the tone of voice she had used to call her name just now, that day might never come.

Those crimson eyes were as honest as she knew them to be. They told her of rage, of hatred and of cool resolution.

 _You can try to stop me. I can die trying._

"Where is he?" she asked again, softly, coldly.

Feeling her resolve weakening, Hakuei opened her mouth to reply.

"In a place where you shouldn't know, much less go to in your current condition, of course."

Both women whipped around to the direction of the voice as one and saw _him_ standing there, in front of the closed door and leaning against it.

The same bright smile on his face, he said pleasantly. "Good evening to both of you. Seems like you're doing much better, no, Kougyoku-hime?"

A streak of red and white flew past her that moment. She could only call out, "Kougyoku-dono!" and helplessly watched everything happened and ended in mere seconds. How Sinbad caught the young woman, had her arms twisted to her back and pushed her to the near wall, forcing her to stay still.

She rushed over. How could he be so rough, knowing she was injured and all!

"King Sinbad, what do you think you are doing! Let her go at once!"

Sinbad glanced at her, then looked down at his struggling captive.

"If I let go," he said slowly, lazily. "Then the princess will do things that will hurt herself even more. See here, Hakuei-hime? Kougyoku-hime got her wounds re-opened."

"Isn't that because of you?" bristled Hakuei, pulling at his arm. "Let go! You're hurting her!"

"If the princess promises to behave, I will let her go. How about it, Kougyoku-hime?"

"I will kill you."

Sinbad turned to Hakuei with an expression that said 'see?'

And she answered him with a resounding slap. One that was hard enough to make his face turn.

Kougyoku's pale face and difficult breathing, not to mention the blood that had soaked through the robe she was wearing, had her too worried to think of anything else even if that meant offending the High King of the Seven Seas. He couldn't have not known the effect of his presence on Kougyoku. And what of that flippancy? Exactly what was he trying to do!

"King Sinbad," she gritted out, eyes burning with barely contained rage. "Let go of her or I swear I will gouge your eyes out right here and now using just my hands!"

Sinbad looked at her a moment, shrugged, and let go.

Hakuei rushed forward and the moment she felt the girl's limp body in her arms, tears she had never let fallen the past days rolled down her cheeks one after another.

So small, so light, so cold…

This child...

She didn't mean for her, or any of her cousins, to end up this way. She only wanted to save Hakuryuu. She didn't know Sinbad would control Kougyoku and used her against Kouha-dono like that. She didn't know Kouha-dono would actually attack his own sister. She didn't know Hakuryuu would give out such sentences. She didn't know… she just didn't know that any of this would happen. If she knew, she wouldn't have…

"I'll get you to bed. We have to stop the bleeding," said Hakuei while half carrying and half dragging the young woman toward the bed. She could have asked Sinbad to help her but she would sooner die than have that man anywhere near her cousin again, forget touching even the tip of her hair. Most likely, Kougyoku herself thought the same.

"Seishin, call the doctor! Ka Koubun, get me more fresh bandages and tell the kitchen staff to prepare her medicine!" she shouted. Earlier she had given order for the two to leave them and guard the door outside. She didn't blame them for letting Sinbad in. She blamed herself for letting them leaving the room at all.

Hurried footsteps told her they had heard her orders. Kougyoku had lost consciousness by the time she had helped her back on the bed. She needed to work fast.

Two rolls of bandages in one hand, a pair of scissors in the other, she said, "King Sinbad, please get out of here. Now."

"Is that the tone you should be using addressing-"

 **Thunk!**

The scissors, which had been in her hand until a moment ago, became stuck to the wall - it was with that much force she had used to throw it with, and if she really intended it, instead of the wall, the sharp end would have found its mark in the black heart of that man. If he's not leaving the room soon...

"King Sinbad, I said, _now_ ," said Hakuei, voice low and very, very cold.

Sinbad casually glanced at the stuck scissors, then down at the shattered pieces of many things on the floor. As though he wanted to try Hakuei's taut-to-near-snapping control further, he chuckled.

"Sisters..." he murmured and turned to open the door. "I shall come to visit again. Get well soon, princesses."

The door closed behind him with a soft hush. Hakuei took a deep breath as she tried - _tried_ \- to steady her shaking hands and calm her raging mind. Kougyoku-dono needed her. She had to stop the bleeding. After all that had happened Kouen-dono wouldn't have wanted for his sister to have to suffer...

 _Kouen-dono..._

A sob broke from her. Tears chasing each other down her face, blurring her eyes, the bandages fell from her hands. She...couldn't stand all this anymore.

Her knees gave out, she collapsed next to the bed and cried into the red-stained-white crumpled sheet, as she had never allowed herself to do so since everything began.

"I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry...!" she wept, clutching at Kougyoku's sleeve. "I didn't m-mean for it to be this way!"

 _Hakuyuu-aniue... Hakuren-aniue..._

 _Kouen-dono... Koumei-dono... Kouha-dono..._

 _Kougyoku-dono..._

 _Hakuryuu..._

"What should I do? Please... tell me, what should I do!"

* * *

Sinbad's fans, no flames, please. I wrote him like that for a reason. I don't like him but I don't intend to make him such a b****** in the next chapter, for sure.

Hakuei... is not exactly my favorite character but, like Hakuryuu, I feel sorry for their stories. I knowt it won't happen (that's why I wrote this out) but I really want Kougyoku and Hakuei to have a better relationship as family, supporting each other through this.

I'm working on the happy Ren family fic and hope that I can finish the first chapter by next month. There will be unexpected pairings and I hope you will enjoy them.

As always, thank you for reading!


	3. Sinbad - False Salvation

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Magi

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 **Lost, Strayed, Fallen**

3rd Moment: Sinbad - _False Salvation_

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Sitting on on a windown sill with one knee drawn up, eyes gazing absently into the lightless night ahead, was the High King of the Seven Seas, Sinbad of Sindria.

"That, as you well know, was not necessary."

Amber eyes lowered to regard an object in his palm, he murmured back to the black shadow of his dark room in a bored voice: "And I don't remember raising you to have the habit of eavesdropping..."

A near presence-less figure stepped out of the darkest shadow.

"Ja'far."

Dark eyes narrowed to slits as Ja'far observed his king. To all who didn't know him well enough would think that nothing had gone amiss with this man but since _he_ knew this person well enough he knew something wasn't right with him and he, who decided to approach him at all, was treading on a very, very dangerous ground.

And if he's not careful...

"Sin, you didn't have to do that," said Ja'far with a sigh, turning to the small table where a jug of water and a basin were placed.

Sinbad turned the little piece about in his hand, having it catching the moon's light in different angles.

"I didn't have to do...what?" he asked, voice soft and smooth as silk.

The small hairs at the back of his neck stood on ends; Ja'far could sensed sharp steel underneath that silk very clearly.

There was the faintest tremor as he poured water into the basin. He hoped his voice sounded as calm as he had heard it echoing in the large and silent room. "Painting your image black. It's black enough as is for both of them. You're overdoing it."

"Overdoing it, is it?" chuckled Sinbad. "But, you know, I actually think I haven't done it quite enough."

Ja'far glanced at him.

"Don't you think it's high time that she should know I'm no prince she had imagined I was? Now, she should appreciate the truth and look at it with her own eyes much better than before. And you," he laughed. "Why are you acting so nervous? I'm fine. This isn't my first time and you know it."

He didn't have to ask to know who 'she' he was referring to and, of course, he was nervous. Despite the fact that this wasn't the first time, he was still nervous as though it was the first time all over again.

No matter how many times it had been, no matter how fine he might seem, Ja'far knew it hit Sinbad hard every time it happened. Just that...if he guessed correctly, this time...was a little harder those previous times. _  
_

But he didn't give voice to his thought. He merely walked toward his king and handed him a clean damp towel.

Sinbad blinked at it.

"Your hand, Sin," Ja'far whispered, keeping his eyes lowered.

Sinbad looked at his hand - the hand that had been holding onto a jagged piece of what could have been a broken glass was red with blood from the little cuts all over the fingers and palm.

This wasn't all his blood - but no one needed to know that. Only he...should know things like this.

"With this," smiled Sinbad, taking the towel from Ja'far but didn't use it to wipe his other hand with. "She should have a place to direct her hatred at, no?"

Ja'far kept his head bowed, not replying and listening silently.

"She's bound to 'fall' sooner or later. So, at least, she should have a clear reason to 'fall', shouldn't she? Since I'm the one dragging her into this, it's only my responsibility to drag her down to the very end."

Sinbad looked down at the shattered piece of blood-stained glass in his hand, absently imagining of what it used to be, what it had looked like before getting reduced to this.

Just like her.

And many people before her.

They were all broken and became fallen...

Because he meant for them to be so.

To achieve his objective, he would do anything - _anything at all_ \- if it meant his dream could be realized.

"It's only right... It's her right to know who has caused her 'fall'. And by knowing, she won't be able to do anything but to fall further. She'll come to me, Ja'far. Fallen and ready, she'll come to me."

Sinbad laughed. It was a bright and triumphant laugh.

But to Ja'far's ears, it sounded forced, bitter, and very hollow.

"Tomorrow!" said Sinbad, getting up and standing straight. "Tomorrow will mark another big step forward! I'm getting closer, Ja'far!"

That happy declaration only very barely made a register to his subordinate's mind; Ja'far's eyes were trained to the fist that was still holding tightly to that piece of broken glass which must have cut deeper into the already cut palm. He wondered if the sharper end had reached the bone.

Working toward Eutopia? Salvation to all? For whose sake was he doing all of this for? The initial cause, the reason they had started all this... since when had it chaged this much?

Since when had this man forsaken his own salvation?

The image of the battered princess in a blood stained robe, her eyes burning with hatred and sorrow, flitted across his mind.

Perhaps... perhaps... it's still possible. Otherwise, why didn't he leave her alone instead of forcing on her a reason to continue this miserable life? Was it not because it might be possible that she, unlike those before her who had failed, would give him a different answer? Perhaps, somewhere deep down Sin could still be...

"Ja'far?"

Startled out of his reverie, Ja'far quickly put his hands together and bowed. "Everything shall be as my king wishes it."

Sinbad eyed him a moment, then he laughed and turned toward the window, looking out and ahead into the lightless night sky once more.

 _But then again,_ reflected Ja'far, _my prediction regarding my king has never been too true. Maybe...it's even as false as the dream he speaks of._

That night, the towel was never used and the broken piece of glass...was most likely thrown away, though he would never dare to find out. He knew that by the next morning, the numerous cuts on that hand would all disappear as though they had never been there.

As for him, he would pretend that the king's momentary slip of weakness had never happened. He would, as he had always done, follow his king down to whichever path he chose to walk on to the very bitter end.

That's right...

Even if what they were after might prove to be false, they had already chosen.

They...had only to proceed forward.

* * *

That I managed to put three chapters out in less than two days shows how strongly I feel about Kouen's death. No, I still can't accept it and I still dislike Sinbad more than before but... I can't deny that the current developments do much for the characters' depth.

I might write another chapter - which should be the last - on Kougyoku's side after Kouen's execution. That is most likely what I want to see her becoming though when it comes to reality, I'm sure Ohtaka-sensei won't be so...forgiving.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Again, no flames, thank you very much. Comments and opinions, as always, will be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading!


	4. Kougyoku - At the End of the Tunnel

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Magi

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 **Lost, Strayed, Fallen**

4th Moment: Kougyoku _\- Darkness at the End of the Tunnel  
_

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When she woke again, it was to a sky as blue as she had remembered seeing a few months ago - and to two new, though not unexpected, facts: one, Kouen-oniisama had been executed; two, Hakuryuu-chan had been crowned the fourth emperor of the Kou empire.

A voice spoke from a side somewhere. Then, she felt being helped into a sitting position with soft pillows behind her. That same voice spoke again and something was pressed to her lips. She opened her mouth and listlessly swallowed the warm liquid spoon after spoon. The voice kept saying things she didn't bother to listen. So tired... She was so very tired. If only she could just die...

But somewhere deep down she knew she must not die. Not yet.

Not when Kouen-oniisama had died for them all and in such a way. Not when Koumei-oniisama and Kouha-oniisama were imprisoned in a far, far away place and she had yet to know if they were all right and living well.

And, especially, not when those three were still out there, alive and free, after what they had done.

Past moments...faces familiar and unfamiliar...flashed in her mind and had her re-live those times all over again.

Truths and lies...her choosing feelings over reasons and suffering the present consequences...burned that dead yet still beating lump of flesh inside her hollow chest.

White and pale pink... Dark green and blue...

Violet and gold.

Her body gave a violent jerk and she lurched forward, coughing and vomiting. Hatred and rage bubbled up, pushing and snapping at the initial sorrow and despair.

 _I can't die! I won't die! I must... I must...!_

She must...what?

What could she, the traitor of two reigns, could do? Whatever she did, even her death, could not change the fact that she betrayed her brothers. Kouen-oniisama died, Koumei-oniisama and Kouha-oniisama were exiled, and even her country...was no longer the proud empire it once was. All of these happened because of her momentary weakness. That she had let herself to be blinded by foolish dreams and infatuation, forgetting what was most important, and became a tool for _that man_ to use against her family and her country... she deserved to die a thousand times and be cut into ten thousand pieces!

And yet, she was allowed to live.

She, a lowborn child, a useless princess, a failure, a traitor...

 _"You're wrong."_

She blinked. A voice, a young man's voice, full of vigor and mischief, stabbed at the thick clouds in her mind, breaking and scattering them.

 _"You're strong, Kougyoku,"_ said the young man in black as he extended his hand toward her.

Judal-chan?

Then, she saw red and felt a large hand patting her head kindly.

 _"Make a place for yourself. One that will belong to you and you alone."_

Kouen-oniisama...

Scarlet eyes that had been so dull and empty slowly became clearer and brighter till they were blazing with fire of life and determination.

She would live. She would take up the place she had made for herself once more. She would fulfill her duty and she would acheive that which only she, and no one else, could do.

 _And, lastly, most importantly..._

Kougyoku lifted her head and turned to the worried face of her one and only faithful attendant.

"Ka Koubun," she called, smiling a sweet, sweet smile.

 _I will die having my revenge._

"Prepare me a bath."

* * *

Truth be told, I have rather mixed feelings about Kouen's fake death. And the fact that Kougyoku was now by herself and in such a situation... I feel really sorry for her. Which is why, after this chapter, the new story that I have been working on will deviate from the original storyline quite a lot. Here's a warning: the new story will focus on Hakuryuu and Kougyoku, though I won't work it into a romance (maybe).

As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you very much for reading.

Lastly, thank you so much for all reviewers! Without you, I couldn't have pushed this chapter out :)


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